Acknowledging Your Pain

Have you ever tried to bypass acknowledging your pain? I mean the kind of pain that comes from betrayal, or grief of losing someone or maybe you experienced a loss of a job. Any type of loss creates pain. The key is to acknowledge your pain to help you heal. If you don’t allow yourself to feel your pain and be in touch with your emotions, you will bypass the season all together. Trust me, you don’t want to do that at all. Why? It will show up in another season creating havoc. I’ve learned all to well from my personal experiences that unaddressed pain can create anger, loneliness, and even depression. You think you have everything under control, and everything seems to be going well on the surface. But internally, you are hurting. Then out of nowhere, “Bang! Pain like no other shows up!”  You begin to wonder what’s going on and why am I feeling this way. If you’re anything like me, I run to Jesus if something seems off in my life. I ask Him to help me understand so I can pinpoint and address the problem appropriately. I wasn’t always this way, but over time I learned that He has the key to all of my questions. If I needed anything, all I had to do was ask Jesus.
I recall one time when I was working for this company, and I didn’t comply with the CEO’s personal request, things began to get uncomfortable for me at work. I was no longer what they called a “team player.” I didn’t fit the requirement for the position any longer. They even had the Director of Human Resources fly into town to tell me that I should reconsider my position with the company. Why? Because I wouldn’t comply with the CEO’s personal request one evening. I was devastated. Why was this happening to me? I was young, talented, and I worked hard to get this promotion. Here I was being propositioned and because I didn’t comply, I was no longer of any use to the company. Talk about feeling hurt, I was devasted, which turned into deep pain. My career with this company was ending because I chose not to compromise my self-worth for a job.  I eventually moved on and had several jobs that were unsuccessful. I carried this pain into every other organization. I was unable to thrive because I was hurt and suspicious of leadership.
 It wasn’t until I was working with an employee of mine who lost their husband. They had been married for over 30 years. She continued to work without taking additional time off.  Her reason was that she needed to provide for her two daughters.  The girls were in high school now, and she needed to be strong. Overall, she wasn’t handling the loss of her husband well. She would come into the office angry, yelling at employees and customers. It got to the point where I had to get involved. I remember recommending that she take a few weeks off or take as much time as she needed to address her grief. I recall telling her that she could not avoid this season or bypass the pain she was feeling, or it will show back up later.
After leaving the office, The Lord said to me: have you addressed your pain from the hurt you experienced from your previous company? Wow! Talk about a slap in the face. I had not addressed my pain. I wasn’t getting the full enjoyment of working with my team.  I was still suspicious of leadership, and it seemed like everyone else too. I didn’t realize why my suspicions occasionally would pop up. It all stemmed from the unaddressed pain from my previous employer.
After taking a hard look at myself I began to heal through the support of prayer, mentors, and close friends. I first had to acknowledge that I didn’t like what happened to me and that it hurt. I believe if I would have just dealt with my pain at that moment, it wouldn’t have carried into my next season. For my employee, she refused to take the time to heal properly and eventually separated from the organization. She carried her pain and lashed out at others, and I was closing myself off from others. I am thankful that God saw fit to challenge me to look at myself. He challenged me to self-examine and address an area that could have potentially damaged my career. I had to allow myself to heal from the hurt of being rejected and betrayed. I challenge you that if you’re going through a season of loss, deal with it and don’t try to bypass the season. Allow yourself to heal with the help of Christ. Step into your next season stronger. Remember each season serves a purpose. 


Guest Blogger 
Nicole Adkinson